PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
