He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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