the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
