Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
