Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
