I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
