LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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