guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
