He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
