dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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