the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
