Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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