so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize