It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
