I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
