i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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