I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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