If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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