Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
