Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
