Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
