I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
