well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
