Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
