hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
