I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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