a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
