Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
