Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
