"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
