It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
