So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
