we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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