Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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