the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
