Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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