I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
