I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
