my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We left an ass print on the piano.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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