we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
