it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
