I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
