I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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