people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
