I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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