thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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