Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
