got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
