I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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