She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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