Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
