I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
