is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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