best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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