I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
