Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
