Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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