I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
