I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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