well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
