I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i drank out of a bidet.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
