it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
