So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
