i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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