My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
